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Saturday, December 08, 2007
I felt so bad leaving the company that has become my home for almost 2 years. I never wanted to leave. I've always told friends that my love for Convergys was the carino brutal type...but then I remember saying once that,if there's just no reason for you to stay anymore, if its making you think twice why you're there and why you're doing what you're doing then its time for you to move on and see the world out there. I realized that maybe this is a sign, that even if this is what I do best, its time for me to try other things and discover some other things that I can do better. The long hours of work (including the weird schedules), the stupid and irate people that you have to deal with every single day use to be an easy thing to ignore. But I slowly got tired and going to work every day seems to be unbreable. The only thing that keeps me going are friends, stability and off course the salary. And then all this shitty thing happened. The higher people tried power tripping and they freaking enjoyed it, they enjoyed it very much that they started to get rid of people who speak their mind and talk shit (but true things) about the company. I was in the list...third on the list actually. I was once told that I have a very strong personality. I wasnt sure if I was gonna take that negativly at that time...now I know. I have a heavy heart on leaving, but I wasnt gonna let some power tripping unprofessional OM (ah fuck off) ruin my 2 freaking years of CLEAN service. The devil in me tamed down all because I though that I have finally found the best place to work.
Everything started getting to vague for me. I was sad and was planning to leave but I never expected I had to leave this early. I started finding anaswers. The people that keeps me going and makes my day at work all worth while are all gone, the stability just aint there anymore and I started realizing that there are so many other companies and opportunities out there that can give me the same amout of salary...even better.
When I first found out about what's happening, the first thing that came to mind was my two years is gone. It was a total waste of time. My two years was wasted being a phone monkey and dedicating my time and effort to this company. And then someone made me realise that no it wasnt after all a waste of time. I had a great time working there and I met amazing people that I adore. I learned alot of new things and yeah wasted a hug amout of their money on shopping and gimiks (grin). Tsk its hard to leave, but I need to move on.
So yeah, I did. I did resigned and it was immediate. I couldnt bare being in that place pretending to be all jolly for the people that I work with. I am sure gonna explode any time soon if I continued going to work and it aint gonna be pretty. I'm an official BUM. I'll start looking for a job after the holidays (holidays are the only thing that keeps me sane this days), being a BUM and doing nothing for two days plus the weird sleeping habits (like waking up at 2am and falling asleep at 3pm) are making me NUTS I'm telling ya. But hey...I swear I can never be thankful of the freedom that I'm feeling right now...ü
AND HERE's TO MY 2 BLISSFUL YEARS...
  
LOGOUT
Posted at 04:07 pm by bettylicious
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Tuesday, November 20, 2007
this entry is brought to you by the letter H
TO YOU:
It's just been almost a month, and being the retard that I am; I seriously feel like I LIKE YOU, yeah well I do. I have this weird fetish on english speaking dash smart dash dominant slash suplado men. And obviously you belong to that specie. And again...because I'm a retard I like chasing after men who doesnt like me back. I see the challenge in being after people that I can't have and it seems like I am more attracted to those who treats me like shit. Fucking masochist I tell you.
We've gone out twice.
The first one was well...yeah planned. But it wasn't the usual "date". I even made rules, and no one's suppose to break them. Because after all, I've been through that same situation before and the ending aint pretty. Until I realized I like you...bad cheetah!
It took me awhile to admit that I like you, but I did. There's just no point in lying to myself about that. And then I told you that I just LIKE you and not LIKE LIKE you, whatever that means...it still confuses me.
Then the second one wasn't at all planned. It just happened and the next thing we know we were walking down to ortigas Ave. on a rainy night. You off to work while I was to meet up with a friend. No I won't say a word about what it feels like to hang out with someone of the male specie again...NOT A SINGLE WORD.
I was fucking gushing like a highschool girl because of one freaking movie...I had fun, IT WAS FUN. No physical contact of some sort (ME disapointed about that?! Maybe...maybe NOT), it was a clean "unplanned date".
But this is all getting too tiring...I hate playing mind games. I was so over that and even promised myself that next time things would be different, besides a friend once told me that if a man really likes you and if THIS IS REALLY IT, everything should be effortless. Coming from someone nobody ever thought would fall inlove...that must be true.
And then I realized how stupid all this is...I'm getting tired of running after someone who doesnt like me..."para akong tanga...para akong lalake na kapag nakuha na ang gusto eh iiwan nalang at mgsasawa ang isang bagay (and or tao)." I don't wanna play this game anymore. I guess things would be easier and life would be a breeze if things are less complicated. So now...I want things to be as simple as they can be. Again, this is who I am. I laugh out loud, I curse alot, I party alot, I talk alot, I tend to act like a 3 year old kid sometimes and I have tendencies of being a jealouse bitch. But this is who I am, I am not going to feel bad because of who and what I am. If you like me too let's cut all the crap and bullshit and just be together. If you don't like what you see...then just walk away. Simple as that...
In a way it was like washing your laundry in public and, yep, there you go, you've seen my underwear, you've seen all my rubbish, you've seen me putting out the trash. And now I feel like there's nothing left, you've seen it all and I can get on. In a weird way, that's kind of wonderful. I was an idiot. I behaved badly. I made mistakes. Who hasn't? But this is who I am...and this is who I'll ever be...take it or leave it bitches...
xoxo
klaubette
Posted at 02:24 pm by bettylicious
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Monday, November 05, 2007
23 things I learned at 23
This is the exact same entry I posted last year. Well I only added number 23. Shet, its really my birthday. Doesnt feel like it though. But hey seriously I'm just thankful for so many things. "It's all about changes, making decisions, being happy and living life to the fullest." 1.Almost all things done on impulse (ie: haircuts, shopping purchases, men) are 80% more likely to turn out as catastrophes (tears, remorse, regret, contemplations of suicide) rather than sweet triumphs. 2.Love is a Vacuum. It sucks you in and no matter how much you try to hold on to something, you'll find yourself being pulled into it and then after that, you can't find your way out. 3.Turtle cheescake is called turtle cheescake because its a shape of the turtle's shell
4.Jealousy is a disease
5.Sometimes you have to break even your own rules to free your heart
6.Whining about how much your life sucks does not help at all. either you get with it or get over it! 7.Everybody talks shit about everybody,it all depends on how you handle things on your own. 8.No one will hurt you if you don't allow them to... 9."BE THE PLAYER, NOT THE TOY!" (c/o APRIL)  10.Focus on the goal of having a happy life. When someone hurts you, ask yourself whether you would rather be happy or right? Choose happiness 11. A girl can never have too many shoes. 12. A broken heart is the world's great equalizer,because it can bring even the strongest man to his knees. 13.TRUST, HONESTY and UNDERSTANDING are the most important things in a relationship 14.NOTHING beats constant prayers...they always work 15.Too much of a good thing is bad 16.You will always fall inlove again 17.Men will always be men 18.Action and hidden email speak louder than words (AGAIN! c/o APRIL) 19. You don't know what you got till its gone 20. True friends will always be there with you no matter how poor or stupid you are. They will always love you for what and who you are. 21.Money doesn't buy class 22.I'm getting older and I'm glad I was able to over come all the trials and sh*ts that passed me by. The trials and problems even heartaches doesn't stop here, everything happens for a reason. 23. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
"Leaving a love your suddenly outgrown can be heartbreaking, but it also shows ur strong enough to walk away from a relationship that no longer makes you happy. moving out of your comfort zone can be down right scary but it also proves how strong you are to take the unknown. stronger, braver, wiser. you always do a little growing up everytime you do a little letting go."
Posted at 08:57 am by bettylicious
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Sunday, November 04, 2007
what do you wanna be when you grow up?
What do you wanna be when you grow up?
I wanna be a doctor, a forensic pathologist. I wanna be the president of the philippines. I wanna marry a lawyer and have 3 kids and live in the city.
When I was 10, I've always thought that the world is mine and that no one can ever stop me from conquering it. Over the years, people have asked me questions like that and I swear I could answer them in a heartbeat.
I've always wanted to be a forensic pathologist and marry a lawyer (I use to wonder why, but now I just found out how facsinated I am to smart and dominant men haha). I wanna have kids and be the President of the Philippines. I would listen to backstreet boys and spice girls over and over again. I've spent half of my time flipping the pages of BOP and 16 magazine. And its as if MTV is the only channel existent in my world. I was never scared of taking risks in love. I never stopped believing that prince charming is just around the corner waiting for the right time to confess his undying love for me.
And then things drastically changed. My dream of becoming a doctor drifted. I dropped out of nursing school (for 2 reasons; its making me sick and because I need to follow my heart). My fascination with lawyers was suddenly replaced by musicians. And then I hated politics. I got tired and became allergic to boybands. I love rock and even wants a tattoo. Those teeny bopper magazine became too cheesy for me and Jay Leno, Oprah and Conan O'Brien was suddenly more interesting than MTV. I never understood why some people couldnt stop smoking and drinking. And then I got stressed and started doing all those. And then after all the stupidity and heartbreaks. I finally realised that not every man is worth all the risk. Not because he told you you're hot, pretty or smart treats you like a princess, took you're virginity and had sex with him over again doesnt mean he loves you even like you for that matter. You don't need a man to live a blissful life. You owe it to yourself to be happy and complete. It finally hit me that I can never put things back to where they are back when I was 15. I cannot wait for another 10 years to go back to school and do what I really want to do. Life aint easy and the world is freaking cruel. You sometimes have to use youre head and not you're heart to get to where you wanna be. Nobody has ever conquered the world. You don't need a rich and powerful man for a husband. You need someone who makes you happy without you putting much effort for the relationship to work. Someone who will love you for who and what you are and not change a thing about you. Someone who cracks you up when you're pissed and hugs you tight when you're sad. You don't need someone who's physically gorgeous. You need a man who can be sexy and smart in his own ways and makes you feel like you're the most loved person in the world, someone who knows how you smell, what you like and knows how you smile and notices when you just had a haircut. And if he's not all that, if he doesnt exist at all then you're ought to find the right person for you. We are all created differently and unique we all deserve someone who will treat us right. You have friends and family who loves you and they can be, THEY ARE enough.
I'm tellin you, it took me 23 years to know and find out about all this. And I seriously havent figured them all out yet. I have much to learn and discover. I have done so many things in my life that made me proud and I done things that I don't regret but am not proud of. But I did change. I learned from those mistakes and thats all that matters. And I am proud of myself for being who I am and for being where I am right now. Im glad I get to expirience things and live on my own and became independent. I am happy to where I am today...
But hey...
who knows...
I can be in Singapore even Australia next year...
Posted at 08:53 am by bettylicious
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Wednesday, October 31, 2007
JUST BECAUSE ITS MY BIRTHDAY
now now...its my birthday and I have all the freaking right to ask for whatever I want!!! Dreams can come true you know... A yellow beetle - because I'm sick and tired of commuting the metro. My hair gets ruined and I've been robbed for god knows how many times already.
Shitzu - just because I wanna name someone with my favorite starbucks coffee, as simple as that.
BRAND NEW (read that BRAND NEW) Laptop - I'm GOING BACK TO SCHOOL!!! eeekk!
An iphone - I've been drooling over this since it was released in the states, we were so obsessed with it that arriane even called the iphone technical support in the states. BEAT THAT!
A boyfriend - really?! Is this a gadget or something? Can you actually eat this?! Are you sure I need this? Uhm...yeah I do...or maybe NOT!
Sagada trip - fcking sagada trip lang!!!! Yun lang naman eh, gusto ko lang makakita ng mga naka bahag. Is that even hard to give?!
Havaianas - That oz havaianas with the silver havaianas logo on them. I know how many shoes and flip flops I have already, you don't have to remind me that I only have 2 feet (the left and the right) and that I can't wear them all at once.
World peace - Which means I don't want bitches bothering me anymore. I'm a lover...not a fighter! Ay caramba!
Good december schedule - I need to freaking spend christmas with my family!! I need to go to parties and get drunk.
A birthday cake - Pathetic ako eh walang pakielamanan!
Bayo shirt - I know, I know...bayo should have given me my own bayo franchise by now. Oh did I ever tell you MIRA that I love you because you're buying me this shirt?! haha
A tattoo - Just because I think Im a rockstar. APRIL - god! I've been wishing this since last year! Aren't you getting the point? I need you to come home. Kahit 2 weeks lang. haha More to come...I'm tellin ya...
Posted at 04:13 pm by bettylicious
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Sunday, October 28, 2007
Because I'm happy being on my own, doing things my way and being who I am without being worried that I might hurt someone. Plus emotional commitments make me sick...
I remember being happy with just being surrounded by my friends.
One person changed that. Our "relationship" wasn't suppose to go that deep, until I broke the RULE and fell inlove with him. The walls that I've carefully built around my heart slowly came crumbling down. At that time all I ever want is to be with him. And then it happened. But I guess they're right when they say that not all fairytales have happy endings, it wasnt even a fairytale to begin with.
The drama after that was more than I could ever imagine. I was suddenly back to where I was before. I wasnt sure which one's harder, to admit that you're lost or to get back on you're feet and move on with life. I had to crawl out of my shell everyday just to get through misery. Not thinking that there is so much more to life that being stuck in the past of trying to make things happen again.
It took me a long time to acknowledge that my personal feelings mattered, but I did. And now that I have, It somehow became to hard for me to just give in to any feeling that could possibly bring me back to what I use to be...DUMB and EMPTY.
I cannot adjust to anyone anymore, I can't (and won't) change the way I look, the way I dress, the way I talk or even the way I smile for someone anymore. I'm fickle minded, I'm a jealous person, I nag sometimes, I laugh out loud, I'm opinionated, I bitch alot, I have drinking and smoking habits, I curse alot, I have tendencies to be immature and act like a 3 year old most of the time and my mood changes very so often...but that is who I am...that's who I'll be for the rest of my life. If someone can take me for what and who I am then I would be brave enough to take the risk and take the plunge again...but...if you don't like what you see you can just walk away...
I'm happy being who I am. I'm happy being the "party" girl that I am. And if that one person that I like right now doesnt like me back, then I guess I'm gonna have to continue being happy on my own and with my friends for the meantime.
Posted at 04:08 pm by bettylicious
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Saturday, October 27, 2007
I've been to 3 family gatherings for the past month and all they could ever ask me is "where is you're boyfriend?" or "why are you single (again?!)". All of which will only be answered with a grin. I'm not quite sure why everyone's making a big deal out of it when Im not. Im surprisingly enjoying every minute of it. Im too comfortable with my life right now that I can't imagine being with someone to share my time with. Sure there are moments when Im dreadfully sad and wants a male companion, there are times where I wanna watch a movie with someone who'll warp his ams around me or someone I can go to the mall and hold hands with, someone I can cuddle with and someone I can piss off! haha but there's nothing I can do...and...I wanna give it a rest. That person will come...ay caramba! that's too cheesy...
Off course I like someone...hhhmmm I kinda feel bad that it had to start that way, I mean having that kind of relationship (kung relasyon nga ba ang tawag dun) and or setup kinda sucks. You're not allowed to feel anything but THAT, you're not allowed to break all the freakin rules specially if you made those freakin rules yourself. So...there's nothing to do but keep you're cool and stay the hell away from that person.
But god...life can't get any better than this...
Posted at 04:40 pm by bettylicious
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